Sadly i woke up again and as usual I grovel with the pain first, convince myself that its not worth it then convince myself to get off the bed and get busy with work. It sucks to make a pretend face just so people know you're okay when you're definitely not. Keeping up appearances is tiring, but why i do it? Pride. I font want to let people know I am a foolish woman who should know better. Plus They will all think its a drama, that i'm just seeking attention and I'm just pining for no reason. It will take much of their time for they have better things to do than listen to me sob and spurting words of pity to myself. They got their problems too.. so much for friendship huh.. well.. the jokes on me. I placed the bar up high and im sure one way or another I would get disappointed, but do i learn from my mistakes? You all know the answer to that..
I was weak yesterday and answered the text. I said I will not answer, let him wonder.. (yeah piwi.. create more drama) but im still too weak and answered the stupid question "is it raining there?" (it kinda happened that way when you got no support) anyway... exchanging stupid worthless chit-chat.. a couple more text and I got that same old feeling again of wanting more. I hid my phone. Wont it just be too easy to change numbers so i wont be able to receive any calls or text right? But I'm not there yet. im still wallowing and I wanted to be a bigger person, mature enough no to change the number and appear strong. I can move on without doing drastic measures. I am still in denial.
Its gonna be another long day.. i will work for about 2-3 hours today and go spend some hard earned cash to buy clothes and a few DVDs so I can stay up at night during work then sleep the day off. I don't have any TRX today so walking around in circles and shopping would give me a great exercise to get my mind off things. I usually do this with a friend, but they are no where to be found right now.. and plus going through this alone will be therapeutic.. the only thing I am looking forward to this experience is that I will loose weight fast. But since no one knows what I am going through this.. lets give the credits to TRX
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