Day 7: further disappointments

Its been a week and as usual I was not given a chance to even have a week just for me.. it always have to be about somebody else.  Caught between your parent's loveless marriage is not a very good spot for me.  I always end up being the go to party.

Partly I guess it was my fault.  i haven't kept my mouth shut.  I know I am living at her house so my loyalty should be on hers.  The thing is I don't have very much loyalty on both.  My father wants me to take care of him because as he said "You are all old enough and you have to work, so my obligation to you is done and you have to take care of me instead" he is so used to being single that for 25 years, he only changed his status to married this year.

My mom will always play the pity card and deny that she needs  pity.  I am caught in between.  They don't talk anymore so they talk through me.My father doesn't trust my mom about the family expenses and thinking mom is just spending the money on her own luxury, (especially when he sees my mom's personal bag and shoes collection.  My father is one big to talk when he only send 20% of his salary to us and spend it to his car, and other electronic gadgets.

My brother is pissed because my mother is hurt, my father doubt us, my father thinks that we just spend the money he sent to some luxury.  my father is still bitter that my brother and my mom went to Hongkong last year and my mom spent 2 weeks in Singapore and Malaysia. My father has been working for 28 years in Riyadh but haven't saved a single cent.  the packages he sent as gift when he goes home are from company freebies.

And when he is home, he will not spend a single cent for his kids. he is expecting for us to spend on him instead.

I know my family is not perfect and my father have this idealistic picture that we are going to be a one whole big and happy family. But the truth of the matter is that we are not.  My mom is angry because i reprimanded her and tell her that partly it was her fault.  i forgot that I should never do that ever.  she thinks she is always right. Too much pride in our family, I wonder why we haven't started killing each other.

And you are wondering why i am built this way? Why i am disappointed with life, friends and family?   i wonder how I keep it together.  Everybody disappoints one way or another. Its always be and have been.