Its Friday madness.. so i just listen times to the 90's jam while I'm prepping myself for work. I decided make it 5 days a week gym and TRX. Its better if I blow off steam there to be productive and not mope around. i have to keep myself busy especially when I'm at home just a few breaks and I will work my ass off. At least I will be earning twice as much especially its the holidays. And I'm not sure if i will have a bonus from my boss.
My birthday is coming up soon. Mom asked me about my plans.. I told her that I want to disappear for a while. She just replied " sometimes its sad that you don't have a boyfriend" ... i just fell silent. of course she doesn't know.. I'm not dumb enough to tell her that "I dont have a boyfriend mom but as of the moment I'm having a hard time and that is far from what I want right now. I can t even handle the friends with benefits thing, i wont be able to handle a real relationship now. i dont know if i will be able to invest my feelings again"
With that, it makes me even more determine to keep up and be fit. Like they say, the best revenge is to make them regret it what they lost. Everyday.. Im motivating myself to smile. I haven't smiled for real in a while. Sometimes I forgot how to feel that genuine happiness. that automatic smile plastered across my face fools me like everyone.
Motivated and determined to reach my goal. I dont want to gain weight with all these depression stuff.. i've been stopping myself from eating chocolates.. i ate 3 bars yesterday.. and 3 packs of m&ms a day before that. And this is not healthy.. i dont want to be 145lbs again. i had worked hard to reach 98lbs and plateaued at 110. maybe 115 lbs right now.. but still I want to have a tight abs. and its a challenge because its the holidays! Food is here!! ^_^..
see. im trying to be amusing here.. find a reason to smile.. depression is eating me up and i want to get rid of it.
Do for now i will be busy with this.. =D
i love to burn it! the only exercise I love to do!
Almost one and a half month plus more to go!
Almost one and a half month plus more to go!
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